Annie's birth story

Decided I should probably get this written down somewhere before it is gone from my memory. It's long, feel free to skip this entry and I won't be offended.

We arrived at the hospital at about 5:40a.m. on Thursday. They were ready and waiting for us in L&D. While I did the last bit of paperwork, Brad was pointed to our prep room so he could put our stuff down. Stephanie and Andrea were my nurses and they escorted me to the room even though I wasn't finished signing everything. "She can do it in the room. We need to get started." Once in the room, I could tell they were in a rush. Andrea tried to start an IV in my left arm, but my vein blew. It hurt but it wasn't horrible; however, that little incident made me realize how much pressure we were *all* under to get me into the OR before 7a.m. Suddenly, I felt nauseous. Both nurses were saying "Breathe! Deep breaths!" and then I realized it wasn't nausea I felt, I was about to faint. They laid the head of my bed flat but didn't want to let me roll onto my side. Um, I have a 7-pound-plus baby in me, I cannot breathe laying flat on my back! Finally I got them to agree to allow me to roll onto my right side before Annie suffocated me. Stephanie got the IV started in my right arm and the light-headedness passed.

Dr. Wilkerson came in to discuss my spinal along with the resident who had been on call the night before (with Dr. W) and the resident who would be coming on at 7:00 - and who didn't get to attend my delivery because the anesthesiology faculty assigned to OB that day came in (I love having an aunt who works in the anesthesiology department - and Dr. Shah was wonderful!!). As we finished discussing how we'd handle things, Todd and Tim came in. We talked about Shannon's delivery - a friend of ours who is married to a surgeon in India - had come back home to deliver her baby. The baby was taken at 34 weeks gestation for intrauterine growth retardation due to placental insuffiency. A few minutes later, my new nurse (shift change) came in. She actually had to come on shift early to be there for my section. I said, "In cas you haven't heard, we're on a major deadline from Paul." She laughed and said, "Yeah, I heard something about that in report." We realized that the rest of the nurses and the anesthesiologists were "hovering" in the entry to my room. Todd said, "Tim, if we don't pray now I think we'll be praying as they wheel her into the OR" So, Tim prayed and then Todd prayed quickly that I wouldn't get sick. As soon as he said "Amen" the medical team advanced on me, tossed Brad his blue suit and we headed off to the OR. They parked Brad in his chair outside the operating room and rolled me in to finish the prep work.

Dr. Shah and Amber served as my support while Dr. Wilkerson did my spinal. Once I was on my back, they gave me phenergan and I started feeling loopy. Then I heard Paul come in and start cracking jokes. "Has anyone bothered to check that we have the correct patient? This is Maria Dominguez and we're doing a tubal. Right?" Dr. Wilkerson said, "Oh, I thought it was a brain transplant and that's why I gave her a spinal." I was so drugged from the phenergan I couldn't talk until Mary Pat, the OB resident, asked, "Gina, are we doing a tubal?" My reply was a loud, clear, "Don't you DARE!" Paul said, "Don't tell the guy in the hall, but she wants to do this one more time whether he's part of it or not." Then he said, "Okay, let's go get this little boy. Are we all here? Everyone scrubbed?" Everyone laughed because they all knew Annie was the baby they were going after, not some little boy. They raised the drape and Paul said, "Go get Brad" and before Brad was in the room, I heard Mary Pat say, "I'm starting!"

Brad sat on his stool and held my hand. Dr. Shah stood at my head and rubbed my head, making sure I was okay and not feeling sick. I could hear Paul and Mary Pat talking to one another, I felt a lot of tugging. At one point, I felt like they were going to pull me off the table. Paul told me later that wasn't my imagination; had they not had me strapped to the table, I would've been on the floor. They had to do a lot of pulling and tugging to get through the scar tissue.

It seemed like forever, but was only about 15 minutes after we started that I heard the loudest screaming I've ever heard from a newborn. Annie was born at 7:17a.m. and she was none too happy about it. She was howling before Paul ever suctioned her. Brad was snapping pictures like crazy. Everyone on the other side of the drape was laughing and saying how they'd never heard a c-section baby scream that loud but how wonderful a sound it was. Of course, Paul couldn't resist and several times said, "She's her mother's child" I told him, "If I could move my legs, I'd kick you." He replied, "That's why you have a spinal and I have your legs strapped to the table." The pediatrician didn't stop to let me see her, which really ticked me off. They took her straight to the warmer. Brad was still taking a ton of pictures. Every few seconds he would stop, turn to me and say, "She's got hair!" Then he'd take more pictures, turn to me and say, "She has a ton of hair! And it's curly!" I would reply with "Let me see her!!!" I wanted to see her so badly! Finally, they wrapped her up, handed her to Brad and he carried her to me. Then, all I wanted to do was look at her face, touch her, tell her I loved her and kiss her before they carted her off to the nursery.

After Paul & Mary Pat put me back together and I was being wheeled into recovery, Paul said, "You've had another little Egg clone!" Yes, and how sweet is she?! He told me he'd be in recovery to talk to me in a few minutes. After he finished paperwork, he went down to the nursery to check on Annie before coming in to see me. He reported to me that she weighed 7 pounds 4 ounces and was 19 1/2 inches long. He also said, "As much as I hate to say this, I think you and Brad have made the right decision in making her your last. The scar tissue was pretty bad and another section would be difficult on you." That made me feel good about our decision to limit our family to three children.

I didn't get Annie until 9:30 because she had trouble regulating her temperature in the nursery. Shortly after they brought her to me, they brought me a syringe of formula because her blood sugar was dangerously low at 29. We gave her the formula and they retested her an hour later - her glucose level had recovered to 71 which was excellent. There weren't any open rooms in the Mother-Baby unit so they held us in recovery. While we were there, Sammie came up, then Jennifer H. and Mary Kate A. came by. We had a great time since we had the entire recovery room to ourselves.

They finally moved us to 5A at about 5:30p.m. But, they moved us to room 501. After Brad had already unpacked everything they said, "Oh, we're moving you to 503 as soon as it gets cleaned - this room doesn't have a shower." So, Brad packed everything back up. About 45 minutes later, they did move us -- but to 502, which was the room I was in when Katherine was born. I even had several of the same patient care techs this time - and a couple of them remembered us.

That evening, after dinner, Mom and Dad brought the girls up to see us and meet their baby sister. Katherine immediately climbed onto my bed and wanted to hold the baby. Elizabeth wasn't far behind her. I could tell they were excited as they kissed Annie and loved on her. They were so sweet. Brad took a million photos and everything was wonderful - until it was time for them to leave. Elizabeth cried all the way to the elevator and I learned later that she cried all the way to Mom & Dad's house. Poor punkin. She wanted to stay there with me and her "new baby sister". Sweet biggest girl. That made me ready to get home!

What's up with the spammy comments?

Good grief. I deleted the one I saw. How the heck did I not get that in my email????

My, my, my what an interesting fall it has been. In August, we were not too surprised to have the July ultrasound confirmed. Yep, Anne Lancaster will be here at the end of the year! However, we were surprised to hear there might be a problem with her heart. Originally, the thought was that she had interrupted aortic arch and ventricular septal defect. Definitely not something you want to hear. We were encouraged that she did NOT have cleft lip/palate which is very common with Di George's syndrome babies -- a chromosomal abnormality that is most often associated with the heart defects listed. We went back in mid-September - ah, a perfectly formed aortic arch. However, there was still the question of VSD. So, we had a fetal echo. Thankfully, Annie's heart is physically perfect (we know spiritually it is deceitful above all things and desperately sick -- Jer17:9) -- phew!!!!

My big girls are growing like WEEDS!!! Every day is a new adventure. They're playing together so wonderfully and we are having a ball watching them grow. Katherine has added so many words to her vocabulary, I'm amazed and have stopped trying to keep up. Some of the ones that really crack me up are:

1. Jump rope -- anything long and thin qualifies; including her Daddy's belts and the cord to the vacuum
2. medicine -- learned during our recent bout with snot rocket noses (love those allergies)
3. shower -- said every time she finishes eating because we usually head straight to the shower after dinner and she's usually trying to take off her clothes as she says it
4. All around -- this comes from our diapering routine. I've always said, "Bootie up! Bootie down! Diaper all around!!"
5. Boop -- this is my mom's "name", but it is also the word for the telephone because we always call Boop.
6. Bubbles -- what she calls her favorite DVD because it has kids dancing around while bubbles are floating in the air
7. Bear - formerly used for all stuffed animals and her Taggie (tm) blankets, this is now used solely for her big stuffed monkey, and when she says it, it sounds like "Beer"

She also stands on the step-stool in the bathroom, puts her finger in her mouth and makes a brushing motion "tee!" when she wants to brush her teeth. Then, after we brush teeth, she puts her hands over the sink and says "Han!" because she wants to wash her hands. She loves to do both of those things.

Elizabeth is in love with all things Disney Princess and will be Snow White for Halloween, though now she's saying she wants to be Cinderella. Tough kiddo. Bippie already has the Snow White costume!!! "No. Nin-Nin be Snow White. I be Cinderedda!" Um...no. E also loves to "nuggle" in bed with Mommy every chance she gets -- usually falling asleep in there and then Daddy has to move her if he wants any space to sleep. She's way too heavy for me to lift now. I can't believe she's almost three.

Annie will most likely be here before Christmas but definitely before the end of the year according to my OB. ACK! Time to suck it up and buy the mini van.

Nin's Vocabulary

Because this is the best place to put this kind of stuff. Here's a list of Nin's spoken and signed (noted) vocabulary.

1. All Done (signed)
2. Backpack (pronounced “backback”)
3. Bear (used for all stuffed animals and her Taggie blankets)
4. Boo (for Boop, my mom)
5. Bye-Bye
6. Dada
7. Dora
8. Hat
9. Hi
10. Hot
    
11. Mama
12. Milk (signed, used for all beverages and was used pre-weaning when she wanted to nurse)
13. More (signed)
14. Nigh-Nigh (For night-night)
15. Oswald (pronounced “Ahhh-waaah”)
16. Paw (my dad, pronounced “Baw”)
17. Please (signed)
18. Snack (pronounced “Nack”)
19. Thank You (signed)
20. Uh-oh!
    

Too tired, too pregnant

I've decided I'm too tired, too pregnant and too lazy to keep up with this freaking thing. If you want an update on my life, drop me an email and I'll fill you in.

Until such time as I find energy or inspiration...later.

Oh, and this baby is a girl.

The green glow you see is me

Ugh, morning sickness has hit - hard - and in the afternoons/evenings rather than mornings. I'm feeling as badly as I did when pregnant with Elizabeth but since I have children, taking Phenergan and going to bed is not an opportunity afforded me this time around. As I kneel before the toilet, Elizabeth stand there and pats my head saying, "It be otay, Mommy. It be otay." Then when I'm standing at the sink brushing my teeth and washing my hands, she lifts the lid to the toilet, makes a horrible wretching noise, spits into the toilet, turns to me and says, "Ugh. Mommy. Dis baby make my tummy sick!" She's so cute!!!

Katherine is walking and it's so sweet. Her vocabulary is also growing. In addition to Mama, Dada, Bye-Bye, Ni-ni (night-night) , tickle-tickle-tickle (which is hilarious to hear her say), buh (ball), kuh (cup) and Buzz-zaza (big sister). She also tumbled right out of her crib this morning. So, we're going to lower the mattress - again. Not cool!!!!

Genetics appointment on August 1 when we'll learn if baby #3 is a boy or a girl. By the way, we finally settled on Frittata for this baby - thanks to Jennifer. My friend Rebecca pointed out that they're only half-baked -- hmmm, maybe *I* should be Frittata! But, Brad actually thought it was still a cute little nickname, so it stuck.

I'm off to lay on the sofa and pray for 4:50 to hurry up and get here (when Brad gets home from work)

I think that pretty much sums it all up! 

Well, in the past week...

I've discovered and confirmed with a 2nd test that we are expecting again. Baby is due January 4, 2006 -- the day after Elizabeth's Birthday. Rebecca is suggesting "Hard Boiled" for this baby. I'm not sure. Brad says "LAST BABY" (whatever...he's said that every time)

Nausea has set in. We told my Mom today and she reacted a little better than I expected; however, she's still being a little cool to me about it. Said she expected to hear the news sooner. Well, I got pregnant again 17 days after my miscarriage. How much sooner could it have happened?????

Elizabeth and I went to the mall yesterday so I could buy a skirt at Mimi Marternity ($90 on sale for $20...long, straight, black...love it and am already wearing it) I love that a lot of their stuff can be worn even when one is not pregnant.

While we were at the mall, I decided we would go to Build-a-Bear Workshop and use the gift cards she had gotten for her birthday. I thought we were going to build Elmo but she decided he was "sca-wee" -- she finally settled on "Curly Bear" After the bear was stuffed, Elizabeth chose the bear's clothes: a khaki skirt , a cute little surfin' t-shirt , these pink boa slippers, which Elizabeth declaired were "cool" (ROFLOL!) Then we sat down at the computer to name the bear. I asked her if the bear was a girl or a boy. "Guhl" Okay, let's pick a name. I suggested a few and then I remembered...E's favorite movie of late..."How about naming your bear Ariel?" "Yeah, Mommy! Aw-well" (how she says Ariel). She has not let go of this bear since!!! Ariel has NOT replaced BehBear as the love of her life, though - but she's definitely another favorite!

Elizabeth's overwhelming joy in Build-a-Bear workshop was definitely the best Mother's Day gift or card I could've gotten.

Oh, wait. It WAS the only Mother's Day gift or card I got. Good thing I enjoyed it with her, huh? He's so dead.

Kisses for Kisses & Lint on my kids' butts

Oh my. If you haven't gotten the new Double Chocolate Hershey Kisses (dark and milk chocolate) get thee to Wal-Mart or Target and buy some! They're delicious.

My choco-holic 2 year-old child loves them. "Kisses, pweez, Mommy?" I would laugh and say, "Kisses for Kisses, Elizabeth" which would always prompt some of the best kisses she could muster. Well, I think it backfired. Now Elizabeth thinks if she just kisses me, she'll get whatever she wants. "Doo-ah nack, Mommy?" (Dora snacks) followed by kisses. "More cannie, Mommy?" (candy) followed by kisses . "Koodid, pweez" (Kool-Aid) and more kisses. If I say no, she starts crying and kissing me even more. Now to break this bribery without breaking her desire to shower me with kisses! We're getting there.

Katherine is starting to try to talk. We have a few little words:
Dada (of course, he rocks - I suck)
Sizza (sister, always said when she's trying to get Elizabeth's attention or when she sees E come into the room)
Buh-buh (bye-bye and always accompanied by waving)
Hi (exactly what it is and always accompanied by waving)
Ni (night-night, also accompanied by waving - which she does even after I lay her down for her nap or bedtime)

I got a wild hair the other night and decided to make my own baby wipes instead of buying them. I was tired of the lint left on my kids' butts by every single brand I tried. So, I bought a roll of white Bounty paper towels; cut it in half with the electric knife; stuck one half in a Rubbermaid container & pulled the cardboard core out of it; poured a mixture of water, baby bath and baby oil over the paper towels. Voila. Instant baby wipes. I felt like a frugal Martha Stewart. But you know what? No lint on my kids butts. Why didn't I do this two years ago?!

Katherine's birthday invites. 

"Ugh, it's the new girl"

Well, it's official. I started with iVillage today and was introduced to the CL team as a new Assistant Community Moderator. Eeeek. Spent about two and a half hours with Tam today. Wonder if she was about to pull her hair out, poor woman! It's always such a pain in the butt to train someone new when you're thinking "Good grief, I could do it faster myself!" (can you tell I hate training new people?!). The CM team has been nothing short of wonderful and helpful. I have all of their IM handles, I think, so I can bug the crap out of them once I'm turned loose on the P&P boards. That's a scary thought. I feel like I'm absolutely brain dead and wonder if I'll be able to function tomorrow afternoon when we train again.

Katherine's first birthday invitations are going in the mail tomorrow. I can't believe my baby girl is going to be one in three weeks!!! I've chosen the cake and oh, is it CUTE! (we'll change the colors on it a little bit - to better coordinate with the invites). I'll have to log-in to Hello to upload the invite picture (with names and other info blurred to keep the crazies from showing up here) and I don't feel like doing it right now. I'll share it tomorrow.

Once Nin's birthday is over, it's time to start planning Brad's and my 40th birthday bash. We've thought about a very small (maybe 4 other couples), private dinner at a local restaurant. We've thought about doing an adults only thing for friends and family. We've thought about doing a big bash and including kids. Who knows what we'll decide. I've just got to start thinking about it and stop putting it off!

Rebecca, do you and Paul want to come down for the party - regardless of what we do????

This is the layout I promised a couple of days ago using Tanya Todd-Krasen's "Blossom" kit from the Play On Elements 2 CD (called Memories). I did it for a digital circle journal where the theme was "Why I Scrap". The layout (of the background and elements) was from the CD as well. The only things I added were my photos. Font used is Licorice. Photos are (from top left): the day Elizabeth Jane was born, Katherine being delivered, Elizabeth kissing Katherine, Elizabeth on her 2nd birthday, Elizabeth sleeping, Katherine sleeping. Journaling on the tag says, "These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive; these are the moments I'll remember all my life; I have all I've waited for and I could not ask for more" ~Edwin McCain

So, I got a "wild hair" today and created this "mini-kit" for digital scrapbooking. I think it's kind of cute. I was inspired by Elizabeth's 7-month photos. She's sitting on the sofa wearing the Gymboree PJs I loved so much I bought them in 3-6 month and 6-12 month sizes! I love Katherine in them, too. They're so soft and sweet. I put them on Nin every time they're clean -- just like I did with Elizabeth. Wish they made them for adults! 

Digi-Scrapping

Several months ago I discovered digital scrapbooking. I've been interested for about a year, but when I originally found Scrapbook-Bytes I was so beyond intimidated it wasn't even funny. I happened to view galleries of women who use PhotoshopCS and who create layouts that are like magazine graphics. I was more interested in creating layouts that mimic paper. Finally, in October of last year, I tried again and hit upon some galleries that had just what I was looking for. My style is still evolving, but then when is it not when it comes to my hobbies?

Now, I hang out at RAKScraps and The Daily Scrap where I'm on the creative/design teams. It's a lot of fun and I'm loving it. Back in February at RAKs, I was lucky enough to win a two-CD set of design kits - and I'm absolutely bowled over by this designer's talent (as I am with many designers). It is the Play On Elements CD called Moments. The designer is Tanya Todd-Krasen. Incredible! I need to "hello" one of my layouts using her "Blossom" kit from the CD. I love it. I'll do that later.

I'll talk about other favorite designers, fonts, etc. later. I'm tired and ready to go to bed - not to mention, I've got to get this makeup off my face.

Prayers being said tonight for Rebecca. I know she's a nervous wreck about tomorrow. I'm hoping all goes well and I hear the "all clear" from her tomorrow afternoon or Tuesday morning.

The sun is shining, the grass is green...

(that reminds me of The Carpenters' intro to White Christmas -- "...the orange and palm trees sway. There has never been such a day in Beverly Hills L.A. But it's December the 24th, and I'm longing to be up north. I'm dreaming of a white Christmas...") ANYway...

Eeeek! I start my new job on Monday and I'm nervous - more about how my kids are going to act while Tam is trying to train me than anything else. That's the good and the bad about working from home. I get to be at home with my girls; but, I get to be at home with my girls. LOL I can't tell you how many times I've had Elizabeth pitching a fit in the background while I was on the phone with Columbia Ultimate support -- they're used to it now. Hopefully iVillage will be the same -- though I don't think I'll be on the phone with anyone much.

I'm also worried about my friend, Rebecca. She's having a D&C on Monday to get a rogue IUD out of her. I hate those things and really hate that this one has hurt my friend. And I doubly hate that my miscarriage kept her from sharing it with me until yesterday. Not that I'm the only person she has to talk to -- but you know how you know you need to tell someone something but the timing doesn't seem right and so there's this "wall" there or you avoid them? That is a sucky feeling.

I think I'm in a scrapping mood today. I'll try to get through July of 2003. Doing this digitally moves a lot more quickly than doing it on paper. Brad is in the garage going through cross-stitch stuff trying to figure out what he wants to do next. I'm wondering if we won't end up at Stitch-n-Time today trying to find "the perfect project" for him. Wish I could convince him to finish Mirabilia's "Santa's Magic" for me.

I want my hour back!

Daylight Savings Time has really kicked my butt this week. The bags under my eyes have bags on them. Coffee has been a lifesaver.

And darn it...how much longer is this spotting going to go on?! I'm tired of it.

Don't you hate it when...

...you know there's something you've been meaning to blog and it's totally slipped your mind now that you have the blogger dashboard open?

Dang. Hate that.

So, here are 10 questions that are great conversation starters. They are from Bernard Pivot, but are most commonly known as the 10 questions James Lipton asks at the end of Inside the Actors Studio on Bravo Network. And just for grins, you get my answers...

01. What is your favorite word? Forgiveness, because it is so important in relationships. I've been the forgiven one and the one to forgive and each time it has made the relationship sweeter.

02. What is your least favorite word? Irregardless, because it's not really a word. I also don't like to hear people say "li-bary" when they're talking about the libRary. And I hate it when people say "Wal-Marts/K-Marts, etc" (when discussing a single store) or "Wal-Mark, etc" Arrrrrgh!

03. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? Order and neatness. I have to have order around me to function. I think that's because of my obsessive-compulsive disorder.

04. What turns you off? Clutter and disorder, obviously!

05. What is your favorite curse word? Well, I say "shit" a lot. Wait, I used to say it a lot and then my 2 y/o started saying it, too. Talk about nip it in the bud! So, now I say "dang" and "dadgummit" or "sugar" or "banana flaker" (my favorite substitute)

06. What sound or noise do you love? What mother doesn't love the sound of her children's laughter? I also love to hear them breathe in my ear when they fall asleep on my shoulder. And I *love* to hear my 2 y/o say "I yuh you, Mommy."

07. What sound or noise do you hate? Any loud, sudden noise really frightens me. I hated fireworks until I was about 18 for that very reason. I also hate it when people "smack" while they're eating. I used to work with a woman who did that and it drove me to distraction!

08. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? When I was in college I wanted to be an OB/GYN Nurse Practitioner and I'd still love to do that - but since I had kids at such a late age, I'll be 90 before I'm able to get back to school to finish the degrees I'd need! And part of me would love to be a lactation consultant. I know that successfully overcoming problems and nursing my kids doesn't qualify me and there's more to it than just knowing that...but I find the entire field wildly fascinating.

09. What profession would you not like to do? Anything in retail or sales. I don't have the personality for that.

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? I fully believe Heaven exists and I would like to hear God say, "Well done."

Miscellany

1. I got a call from the manager of the Wal-Mart store where I bought the pregnancy test and was wished "good luck" by the cashier. She said she would address it with all their cashiers and apologized that I was offended. Nice of her to call.

2. Katherine has two more teeth. Her two top front teeth have broken through the gum. She ought to be sleeping better soon! She's so cute!! She's also waving bye-bye, trying to say "night-night," definitely saying "Dada," clapping for herself, doing Pat-a-cake, playing Peek-a-boo, crawling on all fours rather than doing the commando thing, and giving those wonderfully sweet open-mouth baby kisses. Have I mentioned how cute she is? And sweet, too. And she's a climber. I've got ANOTHER climber!

3. Elizabeth Jane just makes me laugh more and more each day. Her vocabulary is growing by leaps and bounds. We played outside one day last week with our next-door-neighbor. As soon as E saw Carson, she took off across the yard, "Carson! Carson! Hi! Come pway!" She was so happy. "Thank you, God! Someone besides my mother to play with me!" I'll be in the kitchen and will call to her if she's in her room and I'll hear, "I am coming, Mommy!" She's so good to say "thank you" without prompting. "Please" takes a little prompting but not much. Now we're working on "yes sir/ma'am" and "no sir/ma'am." She loves to "nuggle" with me in bed first thing in the morning -- which reminds me of when she was a baby and we did that each morning. And prissy. Oh, man is this child prissy. She has a pair of toy "dress up" shoes that used to be Lauren's. She loves to put them on and clomp around the house. She changes clothes at least three times a day -- usually into another gown or PJs, even after I've put her in her "real" clothes. She loves wearing gowns and dresses. Or her little blue cloud man-style PJs (which she looks ADORABLE in).

Pictures I need to get:
Nin crawling
Nin climbing
Elizabeth in the blue PJs
Elizabeth in the dress-up shoes
Something of the two of them together, I have very, very few!!!

From my email to Rebecca

Hate to be lazy, but it's easier to just copy what I sent Rebecca than it is to try to retype it...I've modified it some

Brad and I went to dinner last night. I hesitated to broach the subject [of the miscarriage] because I knew I could end up hearing stuff I didn't want to hear. But I asked him anyway...told him I knew that the m/c was different for him than me because it was a physical thing for me as well as emotional. Told him to be honest w/me and asked if he was relieved. He said, "No. Not at all. I'm sad that we lost the baby and I'm sad that it hurts you so much." I told him it made me realize how much I really do want another child and how I'm afraid it won't happen before he turns 40. He said, "It's not like I'm going to go get snipped on my 40th birthday. I'm not going to do that at all. I just don't want to be 65 with a 10 year old." I died laughing and said, "If you're 65 with a 10 y/o then we've gone past MY deadline! I don't want to be giving birth at 55! However, would you be okay being 65 and having a 20 y/o?" He said he would be and if I get pregnant once we're into our 40s, he's okay with that. I don't know WHO talked to him, but I'd love to give that person a big, wet, lickery kiss (my favorite line from Goonies).

It makes me a lot less desperate to get pregnant again soon. And we all know a woman desperate to be pregnant can be a freaking nightmare (I've BEEN that woman before...I know, trust me!)

Miscarriages suck.

Yesterday sucked. There's no other way to put it. It sucked.

My sweet husband. As I sobbed through dinner last night he said, "As soon as you finish eating, put on your shoes and go do whatever you want. Go to your Mom's. Call Kim. Just go." He knew how desperately I needed that. Bless him.

Seeing clots last night at midnightish also gave me some reassurance that this pregnancy was indeed real. But still I was so petrified that I was going to hear back from the doctor's office and them say, "Gina, you never were pregnant. Are you nuts? Can you not read a pregnancy test?" But, that's not what Debbie said when she called today. She did tell me the tests were negative, which in my case is actually a good thing. I asked if that meant I never was pregnant and read both of the HPTs incorrectly. She said, "No, you do have levels of the hormone in your system to indicate you were indeed pregnant but they are so low, we consider it a negative result. Probably what happened is the pregnancy never got off to a good start and was already ending when you tested, which is why your results were so faint." That seemed to give me some comfort. It also means no intervention unless things don't start resolving over the weekend.

I've been saying "I'm sad but not devastated." Yesterday I came to understand nothing could be further from the truth. I'm devastated. And as Elizabeth sat in my lap today, patted my lower abdomen and said, "Baby" - and I had to tell her that our baby was no longer there - the truth of just how broken-hearted I am was all too real.

So this was a...what?

You know, I hadn't even grown accustomed to being pregnant - and the day after another faint, but stronger, positive test I started bleeding. Because my two tests were so faint, it makes me wonder if I was ever pregnant. Could I have read the tests incorrectly? My husband and mother both looked at the 2nd test and assured me I wasn't blind - that it was positive. But still, I wonder. Was it all in my mind?

I thought I was okay with this, but as today has gone on, I've realized I'm not. I went into the clinic to have a beta and progesterone drawn, I walked into the scheduler's office to cancel my April 25 new OB appointment. She said, "Do we need to reschedule it?" I said, "No" and hope I didn't sound like I was biting her head off.

So, maybe we'll try again -- maybe we won't. I thought I was okay with this, but as I sobbed through dinner I realized, I'm not. I really wanted this baby more than I realized I did.

EggBenedict ©Rebecca T...

Well, it's official. I had "good luck" on my pregnancy test. I passed. I'm pregnant. Again. For the 3rd time in three years after nine years of infertility. Yeah. I'm pregnant. Yeah. Again. Yeah, I know what causes it and happen to like it. A lot. Yeah, I know I'm almost 40. What about it?! I'm due December 3 - yes, that's exactly 9 months after my wedding anniversary. Yes, I know what I did for my wedding anniversary (doesn't everyone? I mean, isn't that EXPECTED on your wedding anniversary?).

So, thanks to my dear friend, Rebecca, this baby has a nickname. Elizabeth was The Egglet. Katherine was The Omelette. This baby shall be EggBenedict at least until we reach the point where Bennie becomes Harrison or Anne - which, based on my calculations, will be the week of July 4.

We're in shock. After nine years of not being able to GET pregnant, we suddenly find ourselves unable to STOP! I'm going to be 40 and have three children under the age of three. I often joke about smoking crack. I think I'm going to have to take up crystal meth. (that's a JOKE - I do not use nor do I condone the use of those drugs).

I'm exhausted and hungry. I'm getting a sandwich and going to bed.

A letter to Wal-Mart

I was in the [street name] store today to pick up a few items for Easter and I also needed to buy a home pregnancy test. Because I only had four items in my cart, I was going to go through the self-checkout lane and was standing in line for one. The young lady for the "express lane" came over and said she could check me out. I walked over with her. As she scanned the pregnancy test, she said, "Good luck. I always tell people 'good luck' with these." I realize she was trying to be friendly and encouraging; however, my first thought was, "What if I desperately wanted to be pregnant and had been unsuccessful up to this point? What if I didn't want to be pregnant at all? What if I thought I might be pregnant and knew my husband wouldn't be too thrilled?"

Would she have said "Good luck!" if I'd bought a box of condoms "Hope they don't break!" Or lice treatment "Hope you get all those nits!" Or a box of tampons, "Oooh, Aunt Flo's in town, huh?"

I realize only having four items and ONE of them being a pregnancy test kind of leaves me open for comments; however, I felt like she crossed a personal line that should not have been crossed.

My purpose in writing this is ABSOLUTELY NOT to get this particular girl in trouble (obviously, or I would've taken time to get her name and would've gone straight to the manager). I'd like to suggest that Wal-Mart caution its associates to not comment on the personal items people are buying, even though it may be tempting. Talk to me about a Digital Scrapbooking Magazine I've just bought. Let's talk about the diapers I buy my kiddos. But please, let's NOT talk about that pregnancy test you just scanned.

Thank you for your time,
Gina Egg...

I did this page for Amy's circle journal. Her theme is "Favorite Quote" - and I used one of my many! "I'd choose a thousand times over to be a Mother Eternal than to be Queen for a Day" ~ unknown

All background and elements are by Holly McCaig (The DigiChick) from her Generic Label CD, "All I Want for Christmas" kit. Fonts used are BrockScript (initials), Embossing Tape (girls' names on ribbon) and Bilbo (quote). Photos were taken with a Digital Rebel XT.

Is it plugged in, ma'am?

I am a moron. There's just no other way to put it. I am an absolute, total IDIOT!!!! This is worse than the polka dotted panties under the khaki pants ordeal.

Something started going on with the TV today. It has an alarm and E had managed to set it (I still can't figure out HOW she did that). *nothing* would turn the darn thing off. NOTHING. It said to push the add/del key to cancel. I did that. Nothing. I knew the remote worked because we'd been using it all morning. So, I tried turning the TV off. The power button did nothing except reset the alarm for 1-10 minutes and then 5-min increments up to 60. But it never would take it down to zero. I decided I'd unplug the TV to see if THAT would cancel the alarm thing. Unplugged what I *thought* was the TV. It was the DVD player and the digital cable box. Dang. Unplugged the TV. Plugged everything back in. TV now won't work at ALL. Elizabeth is sitting there..."TeeBee TeeBee TeeBee Yarie (Laurie Berkner - a singer on Noggin whom we LOVE) Noggin TeeBee TeeBee TeeBee TeeBee TeeBee" I'm about to SCREAM. I finally tell her, "The TV is broken and I'm sorry. I don't know what happened to it and Daddy won't be home until after you go to bed." The lack of background noise was nice (the child doesn't WATCH TV except when Dora or Laurie happen to be on but she likes the background noise). When she went down for her nap, "TeeBee boken" Yes. Arrrrgh!

So, a few minutes ago I decided to try and see if I could unplug it again. Grabbed all the plugs in the back and plug 'em back in. Nothing. Start tracing wires. Have the DVD player, the light in the entertainment center, the digi-cable...where's the one for the TV? LAYING THERE BESIDE THE TV. I had NEVER plugged the bloomin' thing back in from the very first time I'd unplugged it. WHAT THE HECK WAS I UNPLUGGING AND REPLUGGING?! I don't even know! ROFLOL

Now that the TV is plugged in, it works wonderfully. I am a total idiot!!!!!

I love this photo of E. Totally cracks me up. It's from March 2003 

Elizabeth with Puddles - May 2003 

I'm about to wake Nin so we can meet Connie at the Decorative Arts Museum for our 9-month portrait sitting (at almost 10 months of age...we're running a little behind). I can't wait! It's a beautiful Spring day here, if a little cool. Nin will be wearing a white dress - and, the great thing? She has enough hair that I can put a bow in it! Whoo-hooo. Simple things amuse the simple minded. I'm also going to upload my latest digital layout of Elizabeth. I'm slowly getting her life scrapped, but I'm doing it digitally much more quickly than I am on paper (still stuck in April 2003 on paper!) 

Wow, that was some anniversary

Bet that title caught your attention, didn't it?

We sent the girls packing with my Mom - who was nervous about having them, Katherine most of all (she and Dad still don't think Nin is ready for a night away from Mommy). They did really well and the problem sleeper was my parents' dog - who kept jumping off their bed (waking my dad) and going into the guest room to try to get in bed with Mom and Katherine. Elizabeth was in the lower bunk in the "grandkids room" crashed under her Dora sleeping bag. Yay!

Brad and I checked into our room a little after 5:00 so we could get ready for dinner. The hotel has "happy hour" from 5:30 - 7:30 and all drinks are $1. We stopped by there before we went to dinner - had a drink and then headed to 1620.

Dinner was absolutely wonderful, as usual and as expected. While there, we checked out the private party room as a possibility for a small, intimate 40th birthday celebration later this year (a *definite* possibility).

At about 11:30 were awakened by the fire alarm. We watched from our room as all the little girls who were having slumber parties trudged out to the parking lot - many of them just wailing because they were so scared. Then three pumper trucks, two ladder trucks and two battalion chiefs pulled into the parking lot (we were up on the 7th floor so we could see them coming down Financial Centre Pkwy and I-630) Brad went out to check for smoke - did we really need to leave? As soon as he opened the door to our room we could hear the water from the floor above - pouring over the balcony and into the atrium. I joined him and several other 7th floor guests as we watched the firemen go into and out of room 819. Brad told me that a fireman (who was walking around on our floor) told him someone in that room HUNG THEIR CLOTHES FROM THE SPRINKLER HEAD. Now, I ask you, what kind of total dipwad does that?! (and if you *are* the total dipwad who did that...thanks for ruining what was headed toward being a perfect anniversary weekend).

I walked back into our room to go back to bed. Nope...water was pouring down our window and out all of the air vents in our room. I won't repeat here what I said, but it wasn't pretty. We threw our stuff into our suitcase and headed toward the elevator. We'll just go home. The manager was at the elevator..."No, let us move you." Okay, fine, whatever. We were told we couldn't have another corner suite. "I don't care as long as it is non-smoking and has a king-sized bed." Oh, wait - we do have one more corner suite available. "Fine, as long as it is non-smoking and has a king-size bed." (get the hint? Two requirements: non-smoking, king-size bed).

Go to our new suite, exhausted and ready to fall into bed. Brad walks into the bedroom before me. "It's not a king. Do we need to sleep in separate beds? I don't have the energy to go back down to the front desk and move AGAIN." No, it's not a king-sized bed, it's not even two QUEENS...it's TWO DOUBLE BEDS! DOUBLE BEDS?! DOUBLE BEDS?! WHAT?!

At 4a.m., in his attempt to keep from squishing me, my husband fell out of the bed in his sleep. He wasn't asleep any more. He was also very unhappy. We were outta there by 8:30 the next morning because he wanted to go get the girls - so much for a romantic evening/morning away from the kids. I think next time, we go to Memphis.

Long time + no blog = Long blog

I went to Nashville for 3 1/2 days. I left Brad here with the girls. Left Friday morning around 7:30, got to I-40 and cried all the way to Memphis. I missed them, despite knowing the break was good for ALL of us, but probably most especially for me. I needed something to break the vicious cycle of insomnia I'd fallen into and I knew Market would wear me out and do just that (it did).

I must confess that Saturday night, though, I began thinking The Worst. I knew Brad had a basketball game to work and he'd taken the girls to my parents. Called Mom and Dad to check on everyone. "We're fine. The girls are spending the night." WHAT?! That was NOT what we'd discussed before I left. It was what HE had wanted to do; however, Mom and I thought the best plan was for her to bring them home and put them to bed in their own beds. She'd wait here until he got home. He didn't really like that idea but said, "Okay" Then, he proceeded to do exactly what HE had planned all along without asking anyone, most specifically - MY PARENTS. A little presumtive, don't you agree?

Anyway, before I go off on that tangent (which I already did) I was immediately pissed when Mom told me the girls were spending the night out there. After I hung up from talking with her, my mind started whirring: "What in the hell was he planning on doing? And he's apparently been planning it all along!!!! Where is he going? Who is he going with? Is he bringing some other woman to MY HOUSE?! I'll kill him. I will leave Nashville TONIGHT. And I. Will. Kill. Him. I don't care that Randy needs me tomorrow. My husband needs to die...tonight." I was sick to my stomach.

I called my house at 10:00p.m. No answer. If he'd come straight home from the basketball game, he should've been home already. I called my house at 10:15. I called my house at 10:20. I called my house at 10:23. I called my house at 10:27 and let the following message, through gritted teeth, "I don't know where in the HELL you are, but you have left MY CHILDREN at my mother's and I have the cell phone; therefore, she has no way of reaching you if something should happen. I don't care what time you get in, you'd better call me - and I mean it. I don't care how drunk you are or WHAT. CALL ME WHEN YOU GET THIS MESSAGE."

At 10:40, my phone rang.
Gina: "Hello?!" (in my normal voice, not my "I-want-to-tear-you-limb-from-limb-rip-off-your-head-and-shove-it-up-your-butt" voice).
Brad: "I'm home. [pauses] With our girls"
Gina: (thinking on the other end) YES! There is justice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (but asking...) "What happened?"
Brad: "Neither of them would go to sleep. They were both upset and so was your mom."
Gina: (thinking on the other end) Well, what ELSE did you expect? I'm out of town and Dad takes them and dumps them on Boop and Paw. (but asking...) "Why did you leave them out there when we had dis..."
Brad: (interrupts Gina which pisses her off even more) "I thought they'd be fine."
Gina: (very irritated at being interrupted) "Well, as I was saying... We had discussed Mother bringing them back to our house to put them to bed. That really was the best solution all around."
Brad: "Because I wanted to get some sleep."
Gina: "YOU WHAT?!" (thinking: give me a freaking break, dude! I do it all day - by myself several days a week during basketball season while you're doing all that basketball crap. Don't tell ME you needed to get some sleep. I do it on LESS SLEEP in one week than you get in one night.)
Brad: "Because I wanted to get some sleep."
Gina: "Okay, whatever. You're home, I was starting to think you'd gone out. We'll talk about it some more on Monday when I get home."
Brad: "I can't believe you didn't think I'd call your mom and check on them."
Gina: "You have a point there. I'm sorry for thinking that. I'm sorry for thinking you'd gone out. I was almost asleep, I'm going to go. Have a good night."

Now, I'm not pissed - I'm bummed because I'm thinking my anniversary celebration is shot. We'd planned on having the kids spend the night with grandparents while we went to dinner and got a suite in a hotel [can you say 'wild sex'? Well, as wild as a couple celebrating their 15th wedding anniversary can get...please don't share stories if you comment]. Ain't gonna happen now. I thought it was my 2 y/o who wouldn't go to sleep. After talking with my mom, I feel better about it. It was my "teething, missed Mommy, really wanted to nurse" 9 month old who was freaking out -- which is what freaked out the 2 y/o. So, anniversary celebration is a "go" and we'll drug Nin to make sure she does okay! Wild sex at the Embassy Suites is still ON! All right!!!!

Sidewalk chalk

Today we did Elizabeth's two-year-old portraits. I wanted to get photos of E playing with sidewalk chalk because it is one of her favorite activities and has been for almost a year. Since our driveway gets full sun almost all day, I knew it wouldn't be the ideal spot. Bill and Diane were kind enough to let us borrow their driveway and it was perfect! We drew a big sun, a heart, a flower, a hopscotch 'board' and wrote E's name. Got some great photos of her sitting in the middle of the sun and of her "playing" hopscotch. Then, Connie climbed up on her Jimmy and took photos looking down on E. My favorite one was the last shot she took -- E was laying on the driveway, had her head laying on Purple Blankie, was snuggling with BehBear. Connie called her name and Elizabeth looked up at her -- no smile, just a sweet look -- Connie snapped the photo at just the perfect time (we love Connie - she's a great photographer and wonderful with my kids). I can't wait to get the proofs.

And dang, but I meant to take *my* digital camera to take photos of the photo shoot for E's scrapbook (I'm a sick, sick woman).

We are the dinosaurs, marching, marching
We are the dinosaurs, what do you think of that?
We are the dinosaurs, marching, marching
We are the dinosaurs, we make the earth flat.
We make the earth flat.
And then we R--O--A--R.
(Laurie Berkner...sorry I can't stop myself!)

My take on Disney's The Little Mermaid

So, I hate to come across as one of those "Oh we don't do Disney" holier-than-thou moms because I hate that. BUT...The Little Mermaid is really on my "I hate the message in that movie" list.

First of all, while I realize Ariel is a mermaid and mermaids wear seashell tops - it bugs me and I find myself wanting to cover the poor child with some clothes. Maybe a nice sweater knitted out of whatever the seaweed version of Fun Fur would be.

Secondly - In the past I had always, always loved the song Ariel sings in the beginning "Part of Their World" It was the melody that I liked and I'd never paid attention to the words; but then, I didn't have kids and the words didn't really matter. That is, until the other day - I was sweeping the floor in the kitchen singing along as Elizabeth watched the movie. "I bet up there fathers don't reprimand their daughters...bright young women...sick of swimming..." WAIT A MINUTE. What kind of message is this sending to my child? Yeah, children hate for their parents to reprimand them...but we're PARENTS, that's WHAT WE DO.

And, the whole Little Mermaid story (not just Disney's version) - the Little Mermaid disobeys her father and is rewarded for it. That bugs me, too. That REALLY bugs me.

I'm sure these will be good talking points as the girls get older.

Toothless Wonder no more!!!!

Katherine's first tooth has finally cut through the gum!!! Wahoo!

Well, as my friend, Rebecca says...Wahoo until she bites my nipple.

So, I know it's not a huge deal - but I was impressed

Today, Elizabeth picked up the Sterilite box that all her Dora Duplo Block(TM) are in and turned it over. A little mat was on the bottom of the box and it had a crab printed on it. Elizabeth pointed to the crab and said, "Crab, Mama." How in the world did she know that was a crab? I know we've seen a crab in one of our ABC books recently, but that's a new book and we've only read it twice. And Sebastian the Crab in The Little Mermaid (which I hate but that's a subject for a whole 'nother blog) doesn't really *look* like a crab. And I finished reading her bedtime stories to her about an hour ago. One of the books we read was Chicka Chicka 1,2,3 (if you don't have this and it's companion Chicka Chicka Boom Boom well, go to Barnes&Noble right this second and order them!!! You're doing a disservice to your children if you don't have them!) Anyway, so I'm reading Chicka Chicka 1,2,3 and it is, obviously, about numbers. All through the book, zero is standing to the side of the apple tree. When I got to the page where 10 comes into play, Elizabeth pointed to the zero in the ten and said, "Zero!" (only she says it some funky way that I can't figure out how to spell). Whoo-hoo! I know she's not a genius, I'm not saying that in this blog entry. I'm just proud of her! She did the same thing when 20,30,40 etc. Cool! She's putting stuff together!

Earlier this evening, Nin was down for a nap. E climbed into my lap, grabbed my head, pushed my hair out of the way and "nibbled" on my ear then died laughing and said, "Parrot hick!" (parrot chick). Then she said, "Beh-ah" (bear) and tickled me. She was acting out two pages from her book Mommy Hugs. We love this book and Daddy Kisses they are nighttime staples for her. In each book a parent animal hugs/kisses her/his baby animal. In the Mommy book, Mommy parrot hugs her chick with a nibble. I've always nibbled on Elizabeth's ear when I would read that page to her and she giggles and squeals. Mommy polar bear hugs her baby with a tickle (hince the tickle right after the nibble." Her favorite one in the Daddy book is Daddy squirrel kisses his pup on the paw. I have to kiss both of E's hands and all four of Beh Beh-ah's paws.

Katherine continues to love solids and is up to three meals a day. She is also still the toothless wonder, but don't think that's stopping her! We're not giving her meat yet because (a) she isn't old enough and I absolutely refuse to give her baby food meat (have you ever smelled that stuff? Cat food smells better. That crap is NASTY) and (2) the no theeth thing. She's pulling up and getting back down much better. She still has some trouble getting down, but is getting more and more confident.

Oh, one last thing...let me rant about the mail! Today I recieved an envelope from Albany, NY. I didn't recognize the name on the return address -- however, it was hand addressed to our family. I thought perhaps it was someone Brad went to high school with or something. No. Inside was another envelope addressed to us and a sticky note. "This was delivered to our house [their address listed]. A litle off?" It was a Christmas cards from a family we go to church with. I couldn't believe it! And, it was mailed from Little Rock on December 23, we should've gotten it Christmas Eve!! I called my friend and told her what had happened. Someone (some computer, actually) was smoking crack when they sent that to Albany. I'm just glad this family forwarded it on to us.

The kitchen calls, as do my bed linens (they've *got* to be changed!!!)

The end is not near

Went to bed at 3a.m. This crap is for the birds.

Will it ever end?

This morning when I woke up, Katherine was in our bed. I remembered her waking at about 12:50a.m. and I brought her to bed with us (I think she's teething, but then I've been saying that for three months and she's still the toothless wonder). She was congested, fussy and wanting to nurse. Once she nursed, she calmed down and wanted to play. Nope. At around 3:30 I put her back in her crib and turned on the lamp in her room so she would know she could play if she wanted. When Elizabeth woke at 7:30ish, Katherine was back in bed with me (Brad was already at work). I assumed that he'd brought Nin to me before he left for work and I just didn't remember it. When I talked to him later he told me that when he got out of bed at 5:45, Katherine was in our bed. Huh? Apparently I got out of bed and got her again between 3:30 and 5:45. I don't remember it. So, I swore I'd go to bed early tonight.

It is 11:51. I'm not in bed and won't be for about another hour. Hey, going to bed at 1a.m. is early when you've been turning in between 3:30 and 4:00, right? I'm just wondering if the insomnia will ever end.

Our boring life

We rang in the New Year in style. Brad was asleep on the family room floor and I was downing margaritas like they were made with water. I didn't realize "the new year" was here until we were an hour into it. Yawn.

Elizabeth Jane's 2nd birthday was the 3rd. We had a great time at her party...I guess. I feel like I didn't get to talk to anyone. Well, I did talk to our guests some: "Would you prefer hard or soft tacos?" "What would you like to drink?" "White cake or chocolate cupcake? Ice cream? Vanilla or Turtle Sundae?" Yeah, the hostess with the mostest...whatever. Elizabeth loved it - but then, in one place she had all the big kids that she loves to play with and they were all paying attention to HER.

Since Christmas, Katherine has been pulling to her knees and I knew it was just a matter of time before she made it to her feet. On the 4th, she did just that...grabbed onto her Daddy's legs and pulled herself to standing. Last night she wouldn't do it for Bill and Diane ("I'm not doing parlor tricks, Mom, get over it.") but I haven't been able to keep her on the floor much today. She'll be cruising soon. She's also eating like a little piglet. Last night after having a huge bowl of carrots and rice cereal, she was eating rice off my plate and didn't seem to care that there was some chicken stir-fry along with it. Then Brad took her and she ate MORE rice off of his plate. Good grief! And, she'd nursed before and after the cereal.

Hmmm, the last time I had a baby pulling up and eating solids - I got pregnant...

Elizabeth Jane

Elizabeth Jane - My first-born. An absolute delight and precious gift from God. The child we, and many others, prayed for. By the time you arrived we had been waiting nine days shy of ten years for a baby. It was hard to wait and not know what would happen; but I learned so much about myself, your Daddy, our relationship and God during that time. You were definitely worth the wait. Being your Mommy is such a joy. I honestly don't know what I did with my life before you arrived. Happy Birthday, biggest girl. I love you!