I have become increasingly perplexed at how social etiquette seems to have flown out the window with the advent of social networking. Why is this? Why is it perfectly acceptable to post photos of an invitation-only event for everyone on your friend list (perhaps everyone on the Internet) to see?
Someone I know posted photos of a party she and her husband host each year. Until photos the Xth annual event were posted on Facebook, I never knew such an event happened. Several other people and I commented that it looked like everyone had a wonderful time. She seemed a little defensive in her responses to each of us - her house isn't big enough to invite everyone, etc. etc. You know what? I know you don't particularly like my husband. I know we're not close friends. I'm okay with that but you posted photos of a private party on Facebook. For all of us to see. Don't get upset when we comment. And don't get upset when someone jokes about not being one of the "cool kids" or "my invitation must have gotten lost in the mail" when you post photos of the event year after year after year. Either stop posting photos of the party or set the album so only those in attendance at the party can see the pictures. Or even better, put them in a Flickr album, make them private and then share a guest pass via email with your friends who were in attendance.
Another friend thinks it is okay to post photos of private dinner parties/birthday parties/other private events. My husband and I went to an invitation-only wedding ceremony. I didn't dare post anything about attending the ceremony as the potential for hurt feelings was massive. Gang, that's why private parties should stay private. Do you really want to hurt someone else's feelings? Do you need to feel superior? "Look! I was invited to Mistletoe Madness!!" (so were a couple hundred other people, but it's still an invitation-only event). Really, it's best to not share the photos.
Etiquette exists in part to help prevent hurt feelings. Part of preventing hurt feelings may be that you don't share photos of your private event on Facebook. I would really hate to be a teenager growing up in this day and age.
5 comments:
I see your point, but where do you draw the line? (That's an honest question.)
I have been helped by others who have posted party ideas and photos on their blogs and websites, so I have done the same, hoping my ideas will be helpful to someone else. I'm aware there's always a danger of someone's feelings being hurt that they weren't invited to my daughter's party, but we just can't invite everyone we know. By the same token, my girls don't expect to be invited to every single party of every person they know, either. They're aware that people have money and space limitations.
I do see that there's a difference between posting pics on Facebook and posting pics along with information on a blog, but the potential for hurt feelings still exists in both scenarios. So what are your thoughts as to where to draw that line?
Jennifer, I have done the same thing posting party photos and info on my blog (and I've found your party info a wealth of information so please don't stop posting those!!!!) Posting photos on a blog to give party planning info and tips is significantly different than posting them on Facebook. Yes, there is still a potential for hurt feelings but I think the intent of posting the photos is different on a blog than on Facebook. One is for information and one is for "show". A person is not really trying to disseminate information with a Facebook photo album
My rant was brought about by a Facebook friend who constantly posts photos of her private dinner parties/"night out" events where she only invites a handful of people and then gets defensive when people comment on them. And I know she's defensive because she's talked to me and others about how she hates it "when people who weren't invited comment on the party." Um, then stop posting them where people who weren't invited can see them?! Recently she posted photos of a private party on a closed Facebook group. The people at this private party were all members of the group; however, not everyone in the group was invited to the party. Since it was for someone who was moving I know there are people in the group who would have appreciated the opportunity to attend this event and say good-bye but they weren't invited (this isn't the family we both know who recently moved). I hear of people who have hurt feelings that they weren't/aren't invited to her gatherings and wonder what it takes to be one of the "cool kids".
While, yes, to a certain extent people need to get over themselves and stop being easily offended, I think people should also keep their private gatherings off their public Facebook feed. That said, my kids are still at the age where all their classmates are invited to their parties so I don't think there's a risk of hurt feelings for someone not being invited (though the boys' moms might have their feelings hurt - that is a tight group of little girls as is evidenced by how upset they all are at their dear friend moving). As they get older, I'm not sure what I'll do. If I come up with a great theme (I...haha...more like if ELIZABETH comes up with a great theme) that we flesh out, I'll probably post - but like your party posts, it'll be about the planning and execution of the party. But I probably won't put it on my Facebook.
I think this reply is disjointed and I apologize. I've gotten interrupted about 10 times in the past 2 hours while trying to compose it.
Can we talk about the breakdown of communication and social skills, particularly in the teenage generation of today - thanks to texting and facebook? Now, I love FB... I'm on it every day to catch up with the handful of friends I have on there (not in the 400's like the 'cool kids')... but I hate when I go into a McDonald's, and the young person behind the counter (and by the way, I am only 29) doesn't even know *how* to be polite, because he's spent his entire time communicating through a keyboard? I see young girls in particular, out together shopping, or having dinner - and all they do is sit and stare, typing on their phones! I wonder, are they texting each other because they don't know that their mouths are for more than lip gloss? I shudder to think what my girls' generation will find acceptable in terms of manners and etiquette when they reach high school age!
This post was a good read - you raise yet another point of how FB can really be a hinderance!
I very much agree with what you wrote, Gina-- well said!
I think social etiquette is going by the wayside with technology in general. People who are constantly checking their phones while having a conversation with you... or worse yet, texting while you're standing right there. Sorry, that's my pet peeve. I've just walked away while people have been texting... I think it's very rude.
Wow Gina... you said it! I agree with you 100% I don't go on Facebook that much any more. My feelings were hurt because I kept seeing a group of friends I thought were my friends and when I was out of the picture for a while (being pregnant, having the baby, dealing with his colic, taking care of my 9 year old as well) I saw them all on FB throwing their crafting events and all the pictures and how I was just excluded completely. Later I was told I was basically an "acquaintance" by one of them (rooming together for a weekend charity event, cropping together several times and inviting them to my baby shower is her definition of acquaintance I guess)! I let her know how my feelings were hurt and a big misunderstanding took place in what I was trying to communicate to her. It didn't get through to her with what I was trying to explain so she blogged about friendships and how you have to get rid of "toxic friends"! I'm 43 so I'm definitely not a "teen" but in all my life I've never had a problem with any friends I've had until this occurred. I've had a few "toxic" people I had to steer clear of in my 20s and it's just one of those terms I was familiar with. Well this is social etiquette gone so wrong! I can't even comprehend how my judgement in friends and having them in a social network that I used to enjoy seemed to work at one time! The bright side is I have a great group of friends who treat me how I treat them and we get along just beautifully! I don't FB much any more. Some of my current friends do and some of them don't either but I learned my manners and social etiquette young Thank God! Some people just have to learn a lot more about social etiquette before jumping into social networking I think : ) Oh and thank you for letting me rant! Forgive me because it's rather rude of me for going on and on on YOUR blog! I just had this big rant to unload! I guess i just wanted you to know how right on you are and that you really wrote something important here that a lot of us agree with! Leigh you are right on with what you said in your comment. It's so rude and I've had people do that to me too!
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